


when i see your light shine (i know i'm home)

by AllMyCharactersAreGay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Dorks in Love, Drinking, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 06:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21049907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyCharactersAreGay/pseuds/AllMyCharactersAreGay
Summary: “Ugh,” Bokuto groaned, running a hand over his face. “That’s easy for you to say, bro, you already have Kenma.”“What does Kenma have to do with anything?”“You have a boyfriend,” he replied as if it was obvious. “You’re not going back home to an empty bed, knowing there’s a literal angel in the room next to yours.”“What are you talking about? We’re… We’re not dating.”“What?” Bokuto asked, making a few heads turn towards them at his volume.“Uh… We’re not dating,” Kuroo insisted. “We’re friends.”(Or Kuroo comes to the sudden realization that he's very much in love with his childhood friend and doesn't know what to do with that information.)





	when i see your light shine (i know i'm home)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Kenma light of my life!! 
> 
> Thanks [milnor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/milnor/) for helping with beta-reading♥♥! My stories wouldn't be the same without your feedback.

Good music, bad food, regular beer. That’s all Kuroo and Bokuto needed to unwind every Friday night at their favorite hole-in-the-wall bar, surrounded by noisy strangers and old vinyls plastered all over the walls. They would welcome their hangover with open arms if it meant lazing around all Saturday, being taken care of by their roommates. Not that Kenma ever did much more than leaving a glass of water and painkillers nearby for whenever he woke up—maybe extra cuddle sessions and breakfast in bed if he was really lucky, but it was enough to keep him content.

Bokuto wasn’t as fortunate. Sadly for him, Akaashi didn’t seem to be as adept at cuddling and leaving crumbles all over his bedsheets. Even if he wouldn’t be the one to sleep over them later, he was the one to clean them anyway. Bokuto was a lot of things—tidy wasn’t one of them. They made a good pair, though. Akaashi never complained about the hurricane he had for a roommate, and Bokuto had been over the moon since they started living together. It was no secret how much he had missed him during their year apart, he never stopped talking about his crush on Akaashi.

But that was the problem: _Bokuto never stopped talking about his crush on Akaashi_. He just kept finding new things he loved about him. It had gotten to the point where their Friday nights consisted of talking about Akaashi rather than relaxing after a long day of classes. There he was, _again_, complaining about how living with him was torture. Akaashi was too perfect, Akaashi was too good for him, Akaashi would never love him back. Bokuto would never find someone else like him and therefore would be forever single.

Kuroo had been sympathetic the first fourteen times they had that conversation. “I told you, Bo,” he took a sip of his beer to buy himself some time, searching for the gentlest way to speak his mind. “You wouldn’t be single if you just talked to him.”

“Tetsu, you don’t _understand_,” Bokuto whined. “There’s no way he feels the same.”

“And I’m telling _you_, you’ll never know for sure unless you ask.” He was one hundred percent sure Akaashi was head over heels for Bokuto. Anyone who had ever spent time with them could see that.

“Ugh,” Bokuto groaned, running a hand over his face. “That’s easy for you to say, bro, you already have Kenma.”

“What does Kenma have to do with anything?”

“You have a boyfriend,” he replied as if it was obvious. “You’re not going back home to an empty bed, knowing there’s a literal angel in the room next to yours.”

“What are you talking about? We’re… We’re not dating.”

“_What_?” Bokuto asked, making a few heads turn towards them at his volume.

“Uh… We’re not dating,” Kuroo insisted. “We’re friends.”

“Being friends doesn’t mean you can’t date.” Bokuto looked honestly confused, eyebrows drew together. “I mean—Why aren’t you dating?”

“Because we’re… not?” They hadn’t drunk that much yet, not by their standards. How did this talk take such a weird turn? “Why would we?”

“Uh, because you’re in love with each other?”

Kuroo opened and closed his mouth a few times. “What?” was all that came out. “No, where did you get that idea?” This was turning into more than he could handle while sober, Kuroo decided as he reached for his beer.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am, Bo,” he shook his head, genuinely surprised at his words. “I have no clue why you would think that.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Bokuto scoffed. “Maybe because last year you just wouldn’t shut up about him, making sure he was eating, studying and getting enough rest, you kept buying him train tickets so he could come visit you more often—”

“Well, he’s my best friend,” Kuroo cut him off. “Of course I’d do all that.”

“Does that include stopping to take a picture every time you see something that reminds you of Kenma?” Bokuto cleared his throat before continuing, forcing his voice into a nasal tone. “Kenma would love this! Kenma said—”

“I don’t sound like that.”

“Have you _seen_ the way you look at him? Or the way you smile when you talk about him?” He ignored Kuroo’s protests. “And you’re always touching each other, Tetsu, _always_!” Bokuto had the worst timing to get even louder. People were throwing weird glances their way and Kuroo hoped they wouldn’t kick them out of the bar. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, though, if it made Bokuto stop talking nonsense. “You use his lap as a pillow, or he sits on yours. There’s always a part of your arms or legs touching,” Bokuto kept going, unfazed by the stares. “And the cuddling! You cuddle _all the time_!”

“We’re… I don’t know, we’ve always been like this,” Kuroo said as if that explained anything. He had never thought much about it, it was just natural with Kenma. “He’s my best friend.”

“Tetsu,” Bokuto crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m your best _bro_ and I don’t sit on your lap.”

“Well, I…” He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. “You’re heavier than Kenma.”

“Okay, sure,” Bokuto dismissed his answer. “So you’d let Akaashi sit on your lap, yeah? He’s your friend, too.”

“Why are you so obsessed with who I let sit on my lap?”

“Answer the question, Kuroo.”

“Why would I let Akaashi sit on my lap?” Kuroo downed his remaining beer in one go. He needed to be drunk if he had to keep listening to this.

“Why would you let Kenma sit on your lap?”

“Because he’s Kenma,” his lips moved without his permission.

“Ha!” Bokuto pointed finger guns at him, a triumphant grin crossing his dumb face.

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Kuroo rushed to argue. “I’m not as close with Akaashi as I am with you or Kenma. Why don’t _you_ let him sit on your lap?”

“Oh, Tetsu, I wish he did,” Bokuto smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. Kuroo groaned and threw a napkin at him, not wanting to know where his thoughts were going. He soon regretted it, as it made Bokuto get back on track with his interrogation. “Wait—I know what you’re doing and it’s not gonna work. How many times have you shared a bed and woken up cuddling?”

“Why does it matter?” He asked, making a sign to the waitress for a refill. At this point he felt an impending need to drown himself in beer.

“Would you cuddle with me tonight?” Bokuto swatted Kuroo’s hand away as he tried to get a hold of his half-full glass.

“That… Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would it be weird? Just bros cuddling, keeping each other warm.” Bokuto didn’t care in the slightest about the waitress nervously eyeing him as she placed more drinks on their table. Why couldn’t he be more aware of his surroundings?

Kuroo sighed, hiding his face behind his hand. “I hate you so much right now,” he muttered, looking between his fingers at the girl rushing back to the bar.

“Why is it weird with me but not with Kenma?” Bokuto asked, but got no answer. “You like cuddling with him.”

He wished Bokuto had phrased that as a question rather than a statement. “Don’t you have better things to do with your time than interrogating me?” It was Bokuto’s turn to busy himself with his drink instead of replying. They had been friends for long enough for Kuroo to know that he wouldn’t be satisfied until he got an answer. He groaned, resigned. “I don’t know, Bo, it’s just… comfortable? We fit together just right, and I sleep better when he’s close, it kinda helps me calm down?” He ran his finger along the border of the glass. “It feels… warm. And when he lets his guard down, he gets this expression on his face, like he—” He looked up, shutting his mouth at the smug smile on Bokuto’s face. The realization hit him like a brick. “Fuck.”

“I told you,” Bokuto grinned proudly.

“Why would you _do_ this to me? I was perfectly fine without you forcing these thoughts in my head.”

“I didn’t force anything,” Bokuto raised his palms in defense. “You two have been married forever, you just never got the memo.”

“You think he…?” He swallowed, not brave enough to finish that question. Why was he even wondering if Kenma liked him? Kuroo was definitely _not_ in love with his childhood friend. It had to be the alcohol playing tricks on him, making him believe Bokuto’s arguments were valid.

“You’ll never know for sure unless you ask,” Bokuto smirked.

“Touché,” Kuroo sighed. “You know, I think I liked you better when you were complaining about Akaashi. Can we go back to Akaashi?”

“Oh, we definitely can,” Bokuto beamed and proceeded to spend the following hour talking about Akaashi’s eyelashes, how good Akaashi looked on yoga pants, Akaashi’s sleepy face when he just woke up, and a whole bunch of Akaashi facts that Kuroo didn’t really register. He was too lost in his own mind, wondering if Bokuto was onto something.

The five blocks on foot back to their building weren’t enough to calm him down. He climbed the stairs up to the fourth floor feeling dizzy, and he wasn’t completely sure if it was due to his drunken state or the nerves of seeing Kenma again. Deep down, though, he knew it would have taken a lot more than two beers to get him properly wasted.

Being only 1 a.m. on a Saturday night, Kenma would probably be awake playing some game on their living room, not leaving Kuroo a chance to sneak past him. He unlocked the door and entered their shared dorm as quiet as possible, just in case he got lucky. He wasn’t.

“Welcome home, Kuro,” a soft voice called from under a mountain of blankets, only illuminated by the glow of their flat screen. Did that greeting always make his heart skip a beat, or was that Bokuto’s fault as well?

“Hey, Kitten,” he greeted, trying to sound as normal as possible. “What did I tell you about playing sprawled on the floor? Your back’s gonna hurt like hell tomorrow.”

“My butt hurts _now_ from sitting all day on that old thing,” Kenma retorted.

Kuroo sighed as he plopped down on the couch. It really was old and uncomfortable, but they couldn’t afford to renovate their furniture. “C’mere,” he patted the space next to him and leaned back to watch him play, his arms stretched across the back of his seat.

Kenma made a show of complaining while he gathered his stuff and sat next to him. He covered them both with the blankets, pressing his back against Kuroo’s side and resting his head on his shoulder. _You’re always touching each other_, Bokuto’s words resounded on the back of his mind. Would he really be that comfortable with that closeness if it were anyone else? Would Kenma? He’d never seen him leaning against someone else, not even Hinata. The thought of Kenma snuggling up against Hinata made him feel oddly uncomfortable. 

His hand moved on its own accord to thread fingers through blond hair, tucking a loose strand behind his ear. While Kenma’s focus was on his game, Kuroo took the opportunity to study his face—from the way he was scrunching his nose in concentration, biting down his bottom lip, to the line of his jaw and down his neck. He’d always thought that Kenma was attractive, but he’d never considered it in terms of actually _liking _him. Why was he so tempted now to press his face against the crook of his neck, against the skin of his shoulder peeking out of his oversized shirt? Kuroo’s shirt, actually. _You’re drunk, Tetsurou. That’s all this is_, he reminded himself as he fought to ignore the way that detail affected him.

“I can’t play if you’re staring, Kuro,” Kenma mumbled, and Kuroo silently thanked him for stopping him before his thoughts derailed even further. How could Bokuto’s dumb assumptions be affecting him so badly? He was supposed to be _cool_. “I feel sorry for your brain. When was the last time you overworked it so bad?”

“Ha ha,” Kuroo flicked a finger at his ear.

“What’s wrong? Koutarou?” He asked, fingers expertly pressing the buttons on his joystick, pulling off a combo against the Rock Titan on the screen.

“Yeah, he was… intense, tonight.”

“More than usual?” Kenma only got an absent hum in acknowledgment. “Do you think he’ll ever tell Akaashi?”

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I just hope he’ll make up his mind before Akaashi loses his patience.”

“He’s not the only one getting tired of waiting,” Kenma muttered under his breath.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kenma paused his game and turned to him. Kuroo’s breath hitched when golden eyes bore into his, neither of them saying a word. His heart was pounding so hard against his chest it was a wonder he was still alive, until it seemed to stop altogether when he licked his lips and Kenma followed the action with his eyes. For a second he almost gave in to his instincts and leaned forward, but he managed to stop himself just in time before ruining their friendship over drunken advice.

“I’m going to bed,” he said, jumping so fast from his seat his leg got tangled in the blankets and made a phone go flying to the floor. He didn’t stop to check whose phone it was.

“Whatever,” Kenma sighed. Kuroo didn’t need to look at him to know he was rolling his eyes.

He didn’t look back as he rushed to his room and slammed the door behind him. Pressing his back against the wall, he tried to make sense of everything that had happened. And what had _almost_ happened. He didn’t bother with showering to get the booze odor off him, not even changing his clothes, he just needed this night to end.

He felt light-headed and it wasn’t from the beer anymore. Blaming his actions on Bokuto and alcohol was easy, but it didn’t change how close he had been from kissing his best friend. Maybe sleeping it off would help. Maybe by morning his brain would be back to normal, maybe his heart would beat at its usual pace.

Or maybe he wouldn’t get any sleep at all, because every time he closed his eyes he saw Kenma.

When he dragged himself out of bed the next morning, exhaustion coursing through his body, Kenma was nowhere in sight. He thanked his luck, stepping inside their kitchen as quietly as he could. With weird thoughts still clouding his mind, he wasn’t ready to face him yet, not until he drank at least half his weight in caffeine.

The table was a mess, open books spread all over its surface. Kenma must have stayed up late studying, probably. He usually did when he was overthinking something so bad video games weren’t enough to distract him. Kuroo hoped it wasn’t related to the previous night. He knew it was.

He leaned against the counter while he waited for his coffee to be done, fingers pressing against his closed eyes. He felt just as confused as he was hours ago. Actually, no—it was even worse now. Coffee or not, there was no one or nothing to use as an excuse anymore, and all he could do was accept the facts. Somewhere along the way, his feelings had evolved into something he was too scared to define.

“You look like shit,” a voice made him jump out of his skin. 

“Jeez, good morning to you too,” he turned to his roommate, and soon wished he hadn’t. Kenma was wearing another of Kuroo’s shirts—_why did he always do that?_—and it was so long on him that it looked like he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. His shorts were too short, his legs too distracting. It was nothing that he hadn’t seen before, they had _showered_ together in the past. So why was his face warming up so bad now? Why was his stomach doing somersaults? It was just _Kenma_. The boy he had grown up with. The boy he almost—

_Coffee_, his brain reminded him. But as he reached for an empty mug, so did Kenma. Kuroo jerked back when their fingers brushed, earning him a frown.

“Why are you being a weirdo?” He could feel the exasperation in Kenma’s tone.

“I’m not being a weirdo.”

“You are,” Kenma insisted. “You’ve been acting weird since last night.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Kuroo swallowed down a sigh, fully aware he _was_ being a weirdo. Denying it was pointless. Changing the subject was a better idea. “Are you seeing Chibi-chan today?” He asked, pouring two cups and taking one with him. He had to move some of the clutter from the table to one of the empty chairs to make some space for himself. He knew that meant Kenma would have nowhere to sit unless he moved his stuff somewhere else, and that was kind of the point. The less comfortable he was, the sooner he would leave and the higher his chances of avoiding his questioning.

“I don’t think so, Tobio’s coming for the weekend,” Kenma replied, eyeing him suspiciously. Why did he always seem to catch up with whatever he was scheming?

“Oh, some quality time with the boyfriend? I almost feel sorry for his roommate.”

Kenma ignored the nature of his comment, scrunching his nose as he made a move to sit. After taking a single look at the mess occupying his chair, he shrugged and sat on Kuroo’s lap instead.

Choking on his coffee as if Kenma hadn’t done that a thousand times before was stupid, but Kuroo had been acting particularly stupid for the past few hours. Kenma didn’t seem to care enough to comment on it, and just kept talking about… something. Shouyou, probably. Kuroo’s mind was reeling and the words just went right over his head.

“Kuro, would you stop moving?” Kenma groaned. It wasn’t until then that Kuroo realized he was bouncing his leg. “Why are you on edge?”

“Nothing, I just—I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

Kenma studied him for a minute too long. Although he didn’t seem satisfied by his answer, at least Kuroo had stopped moving. That had to count for something, right? He was quiet, acting perfectly normal. Everything was fine. But then Kenma took a sip of his coffee—’_too hot’_, he complained as he closed his eyes and stuck out his tongue in protest—and suddenly everything was the complete opposite of fine, because how _dared_ he be so cute? How was Kuroo supposed to get a hold of his feelings when Kenma acted like that?

“You’re staring,” Kenma snapped him out of his daze.

“Sorry,” he forced a laugh. “I’m still tired, I think I’ll just go take a nap,” he said, patting Kenma’s side so he’d move from his thighs.

“You just had coffee.”

A blink was all Kuroo offered in response. He did see the point in Kenma’s statement, but he just couldn’t think of any more excuses. Kenma would see right through them, anyway. Just as he expected, Kenma only sighed and stood up, leaving a heavy silence behind him as he stepped out of the kitchen. 

Kuroo knew he was fucking things up by not talking, he _knew_ Kenma’s patience was running thin. He had always been good at getting Kuroo to talk, whether he wanted to or not. But things had been so good between them until then, why did he have to go and make everything so complicated? Was it really worth it? Yet now that the idea had been planted in his head, now that he had been about to act on it, how was he supposed to go back to normal? Did he even _want_ to go back to normal?

Spending the rest of the day in bed was a futile attempt to figure out what the hell was going on with him. He pretended to be sleeping when Kenma knocked on his door calling him for lunch, and again when he gave it another try late in the afternoon. He wasn’t as successful the third time.

“Kuro? Should I be worried?”

He slowed down his breathing, hoping it would be enough to fool him, knowing it wouldn’t.

“I know you’re awake.” Kenma sounded more hurt than annoyed, and it only made him feel worse. Still, Kuroo kept quiet.

There was only silence for a few seconds, and then the door closed. Kuroo’s relief didn’t last long—light footsteps got closer, his mattress dipped, and soon enough Kenma was crawling under the covers.

“What is it?” He asked, eyes scanning his face under the low light coming through the window blinds.

“It’s stupid,” Kuroo sighed, fully aware that he would end up talking eventually. Not yet, though.

“It’s not stupid if it makes you hide in your room all day.”

Kenma’s frown was so adorable Kuroo almost wished he would have mocked him instead of being nice. That way it might have been easier to ignore his feelings. “Can we just sleep for a bit?”

“Sure,” Kenma smiled softly at him, moving closer.

Kuroo instinctively looped an arm around his waist, pulling him against his chest the same way he had done so many times in the past. As Kenma hugged him, his face nuzzling Kuroo’s neck, sleep finally took him. It wasn’t a lie when he said having Kenma around help him calm down. There was something about feeling his warmth between his arms that soothed his worries, that made him believe this might just work out. Maybe that was how they were always supposed to be.

When he woke up hours later, arms and legs tangled with Kenma’s, his mind was clear. It was obvious, now that he had thought about it. What he had said the night before while slightly drunk was just as true now that he was sober and well rested. Kenma had always been his constant, the one who could put him back together when he was a mess, the one who made everything easier, _better_, just by being there.

While everyone thought Kuroo had been the one to break Kenma out of his shell, he knew it had been the other way around. If it weren’t for Kenma, maybe he’d still be that shy little kid hiding behind his father’s legs. Maybe he wouldn’t. It didn’t matter, anyway. He didn’t want to think of a world where he didn’t have Kenma by his side. As long as he had him, he was unstoppable.

He pulled back a little to look at his sleeping face, but what he found was a worried expression. Kenma was nibbling on his bottom lip, deep in thought, until their eyes met.

“You didn’t have to stay if you weren’t going to sleep,” Kuroo protested. It was dark outside, how long had he been waiting? He must have slept at least a couple hours.

“I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Kuroo smiled as he tucked a strand of Kenma’s hair behind his ear to uncover his face. Had he always been this beautiful? Was Kuroo really so blind as not to notice it earlier?

“What’s going on, Kuro?” Kenma asked, gentler than he had been since Kuroo started acting weird. This wasn’t exasperation anymore, it was genuine concern. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I don’t want to scare you away,” Kuroo admitted. Kenma had always been understanding. But this could potentially ruin everything. He knew this wouldn’t break their friendship. It wouldn’t be the same, though.

“We’ve been friends for years. I doubt there’s anything you could do that could surprise me anymore.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I,” Kenma insisted. “You won’t scare me, Tetsurou.”

Hearing his name from Kenma’s lips did _things_ to him, and he somehow found his resolve. There was no point in dragging the inevitable, was it? Sooner or later he would have to say it, Kenma wouldn’t give up as long as he was worried about him. If this was going to break them, he would rather find out now, before his heart dared to hope.

“I think I’m in love with you.” The words rolled easy off his tongue, as if he needed any more confirmation than _yes_, he was in love with Kenma.

“Oh,” Kenma simply replied.

“Yeah.” Kuroo was about to lose his mind. “Oh.” 

“I know.”

“What do you mean you know?” Kuroo’s breath caught in his throat. How could Kenma have known before him? Did _everyone_ realize it before he did? Was that the reason why Bokuto had been so pushy?

“I’ve always known,” the smug look on his face made it sound as if it wasn’t a big deal, while Kuroo felt his entire world shattering.

“Why—” The words died on his tongue and he had to take a deep breath before giving it another try. “Why did you never say anything?”

“You weren’t ready,” Kenma said matter-of-factly.

“Ready for what?” It was hard talking through the lump in his throat. “Being rejected by my best friend?”

Kenma’s eye roll was contradicted by his smile, the same little soft smile he wore in his sleep that Kuroo like so much. “Ready for handling me being in love with you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Kenma laughed through his nose. “Oh.”

Kuroo had to take a minute to process. He was in love with Kenma—he had already come to terms with that fact. Kenma was in love with him—that one was a little more unexpected. But was it, really? Didn’t it make perfect sense?

“I wish you had told me.” He felt kind of dumb, now. “I can’t believe I had to learn it from _Bo_.”

“It was something you needed to realize on your own, even if you had some help.”

“Guess I owe him one, now.”

“Hm, I guess I could talk to Keiji,” Kenma offered. He didn’t look too concerned about it, though. Neither did Kuroo. There were more pressing matters at hand.

“Can I…” He gulped, nervous as if Kenma hadn’t just admitted to his own feelings. There was almost no space left between them, yet it still felt like it was too much. “Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Kenma replied, giving his waist a light squeeze and at last Kuroo remembered how to breathe. 

Kuroo ran a hand through his hair, stopping to cup his cheek. “I’m sorry it took me this long,” he whispered as he leaned closer, just enough to brush their lips together.

“Would you shut up and kiss me already?”

He didn’t need to be told twice. 

For how nervous and unsure he had been about his feelings for Kenma, he felt none of that now. As Kenma melted between his arms, as he parted his lips to let him in, as he let out a sigh that made his entire body shiver, it was like all the pieces fell right into place. Kissing him felt like second nature, like he had been born just for this. They fit together _just right_, as if they belonged nowhere but at each other’s side. It was like everything they had been through had led them to this moment, to this kiss so tender and sweet and perfect and everything he never knew he wanted. It wasn’t like in the movies—Kuroo didn’t feel fireworks or butterflies, like some sort of mystical sign that Kenma was the one. He felt _home_. And that was exactly what he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!  
Feel free to reach me at [Tumblr](https://allmycharactersaregay.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari/), I love meeting new people to talk about volleyball dumb boys!


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